can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
