there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
