my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Dear god my vagina.
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