Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
