Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
