she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
