Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
