summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
