if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
last night I used snow as a chaser
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
