Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
