He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
