Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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