so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I love you.
Bad choice
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
