im drinking this country out of the recession.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
