so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
