DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
