I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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