What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
