hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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