dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I've blown a few things in my day
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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