Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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