I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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