He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
