i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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