So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize