FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
