I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
