Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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