He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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