we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
