She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize