apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
