Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
love makes seman taste better
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Randomize
