he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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