Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
