im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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