apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize