Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
