I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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