u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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