you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
