I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
