I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
