Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
