Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize