Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
