Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
