My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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