just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
