I like my sex mixed with concussions.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
