She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize