Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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