I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
