if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
