Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
