I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
