So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
