help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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