Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
birth control should be required to get into college
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
