I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
