There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
