hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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