i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
operation harelip BJ is a go
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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