I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
