Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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