OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
