You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
my vag is so smooth its legendary
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
