He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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