No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize